Could people really changed? Because in my mind, I always think that people cannot change.. They just show their true colors..

Just this afternoon I talked with my best sister, Jethe..

I had an incident yesterday which better no to be told in here..

but the incident made me so emotional and couldn't have my self to controlled.. i lose my mind and lose control..

literally.. i screamed, shouted, swore, and broke things.. my things.. in my boy friend's room..

Boy SPACE friend..

he was my senior high school friend..

later than I knew, he told my mom about my behavior.. well I know I was wrong, but can he the hell shut his mouth???

if he really wants me to take his advice to control myself, just tell me after I got crazt.. 

who people on the earth can be told when they are getting so fucking angry???

WHO???

not only that, he again told my mom that he never saw MOST RUDE GIRL BESIDES ME..

oo let me tell you, there are so many girls out there MORE RUDE THAN ME while they can't control their anger!

after that, he told my mom, that "because I'm so rude" for a girl, I broke my kost's cupboard and shelf..

HAHAHAHAH.. you gotta be kidding man..

you already knew too, that kost's stuffs are TOO OLD.. the shelf's wood already moldy, and the nails behind the mirror in that stupid cupboard already rusty..

come on, dude.. don't talk too many shits that don't caused by me..

oh, and you said that i played music in my laptop so LOUD??

how about those 2 guys that always open their room's door and play guitar and sing??

or the other neighbor who always play his music so loud??

if I just don't remember you as my old friend, i would never see your face again..

but, I try to apologize to you the next day.. and maybe can forget about it..

this day.. i woke up, felt much better, and i admitted that I was so wrong yesterday that i couldn't control my emotion..

and myself..

I said sorry to him and to people who get my anger..

I apologized..

well.. because mostly my best sister told me to..

it doesn't mean that I lose something - pride- if I apologized..

it just means that i already grown up enough to admit my mistake..

then my best sister told me to change my behavior a little bit..

remembering my age already turned 21..

but can I?? and is that true that people change???

it's just not as easy to change what already have been in you for the whole time..

every time I try to manage my emotion, I always just failed like shit..

because out there seems like there are too many shits try your patience..

God.. I really don't know if I can manage my whole life and myself again..

because seems, after too much having fun, being crazy with my friends for this past 1 year, I literally cannot stop..

I want to.. but.. hh I don't know..

so, can I change for better??

can I??