Some people said, every girls were the same..
there was no difference amongst them..
Some people said, there was bullshit if a girl said, 'I'm not like the other girls..'
while the other said, yes, 'This girl is one of a kind, she is different'
Me??
I said, girls are same at some points, but yes.. we of course are different..
maybe guys will say, girls are same.. they demand a lot of attention, wanna treated like a princess, and bla bla bla bla..
but, no.. we are different!
at least, I am different or, a very minimum quantity girls in this planet are like me too..
I am totally different..
same genus with girls, but from another species, another planet, another galaxy I guess..
why??
while the other girls are so easy to open their heart even after 2 years relationship with their ex, I find myself is so goddamn difficult to give a guy to step in a little bit in my life..
while the other girls are so easy peasy find relationship and get deeper into it, I find myself is really difficult to have one..
while other girls are so damn good in playing hide and seek with guys, I find myself just can't hide, okay.. I'm emotionally slutty..
while the other girls are so easy to curb their energic personality in front of opposite sex in the first date, I find myself very casually and usually act like complete random moron, just like myself in front of my besties..
my biggest problem -or not problem, I guess- is.. I reveal my-complete random and moron-self too soon..
in what minute you ask?? in 1 second after I meet that guy in first date.
I act so random.. talking nothing important? -well, it was first date!!-
and.. there was nothing mysterious about me..
any people can know me as the bubbly, loud, chirpy, happy personality..
my friends always suggest me to take myself slowly.. be mysterious.. be quiet.. be shy.. be like a TRULY GIRL -I am truly girl though, you know-
She suggested me not to reveal my happy loud personality..
God knows, I was trying..
like.. really trying.. so hard.. so bad..
and it was end up for me as the boring very normal girl..
as Bryanboy posted in Instagram "Nobody realizes that some people expend TREMENDOUS ENERGY merely to be NORMAL."
hell, yes!!
I spend tremendous energy and emotions during the whole time in the first date..
Acted like quiet, shy girl, like what my girl friend suggested..
I did that.. and it was really awkward..
maybe some people will agree with her..
but for me, who already tried it and was so not me, I WILL COMPLETELY REFUSE THAT ADVICE NEXT TIME..
maybe some people will say too, silence is ok..
for me, IT WAS SO NOT OKAY.. it was so so so AWKWARD..
imagine my conversation in the car when that guy picked me up..
G (Guy) : Hey, nice to meet you :)
M (Me) : Nice to meet you too..
G: What you doin before I come??
M: Cleaning my apartment, and taking long shower :).. you??
G: What a diligent girl.. hehe.. Me?? just get home from my busy routine, and relax, play video game..
M: Oh, okay.. (try to be quiet, shy, normal, very feminine girl).. er.. what kind of video game??
G: You know, GTA, and Fast and Furious..
M: (in my mind => "WOW!! I know GTA! sometimes I played it with my older brother when we were younger.. how is that game now?? getting better?? and FF?? I watch the movie, but not play the game.. Maybe I will try to play it next time.. Hey, if you want to play, I can join you, if I may..")
BUT . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
my friend suggested me to curb my enthusiasm and be quiet and shy, normal girl, who MAYBE, MOSTLY not interested in guys' video game activity, so there was me.. sat quietly and NODDED okay..
what the heck.. it was stupid awkward silence..
okay, maybe I shouldn't add the last sentence that ask if I can join him playing video game..
I am very conscious, that girl needs to play a little bit hard to get..
but it is really different between play hard to get and being someone who is really not yourself, dont you think??
while the other means, try not to be too available and show your interest much in a guy, and maybe..chasing him like some crazy desperate cheesy bitch, BUT STILL BE YOUR COMPLETE SELF..
the other means don't show any interest, don't show your true identity, don't act like you usually behave in front of your very besties, show him that you are mysterious, let him take in charge of everything, from find a topic until.. everything??
then, I got some revelations..
from http://thoughtcatalog.com/chelsea-fagan/2013/08/guys-only-want-the-shy-pretty-girls/
It's written by Chelsea Fagan..
oh, I love her so much..
her writing give me some light..
that it is okay to be your loud funny crazy -in a good way- self..
if many guys who were of course not your SO in future, they of course wont accept you for being your loud funny crazy -in a good way- self..
but, one day, in the end..
you will find someone who knows you for the real you and still find you attractive with those kind of personality..
even more, they will love you more and more because of those..
PS: my other favorite writers in Thought Catalog is Christopher Hudspeth and Zaron Burnett III :)
